


I Need Never Get Old

by RatFlavored



Category: Letterkenny (TV)
Genre: Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-07-20 11:15:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16136096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RatFlavored/pseuds/RatFlavored
Summary: Daryl needs a huge favor in order to keep his farm. When a man asks for help, you help him.





	1. Look It Here

**Author's Note:**

> Fake marriage is such a fun trope to play with, especially with these two. I'm going to try and update this fairly regularly.
> 
> Beta read by Raven2547, thank you so much!

Wayne barely looked up from his morning cup of coffee when Daryl came in the back door, a yogurt cup and an envelope in hand. 

“Mornin’ how are ya now?” 

Daryl didn’t immediately answer, the envelope wrinkling in his grip. It was ripped open, and whatever was inside was opened and read judging by the way the paper was sticking half out of it. Daryl threw the envelope on the table, face grim. 

“Take a look at this,” Daryl sat down heavily and smacked down his yogurt cup. 

Wayne’s hand was already reaching for the envelope, opening it and skimming over the contents. He’d read beneficiary notices before, so he was vaguely familiar with the style of writing. 

“Sorry for your loss.” 

“Thank you,” Daryl peeled back the lid and stuck his spoon in, “Didn’t really know her much. Didn’t even know she died.” 

Wayne assumed that Katherine was Daryl’s aunt on his mother's side. Didn’t hear much from or about her his whole time of knowing Daryl. She was a town over and kept to herself. 

Wayne kept reading. His eyebrows shot up, “You get the farm.” Or the money from selling the farm, but Wayne doubted Daryl would ever do that. Daryl was too soft to sell cows he'd bottle fed from a calf, “Hold on a tick, I thought you already had the farm?” 

There were footsteps coming from the stairs. Daryl’s eyes flicked over to the sound. “Naw, it was hers technically. I ran it, just never owned it.” 

“Well congratulations now.” 

“Not quite-”

“Congratulations for what?” Katy appeared in the doorway, heading for the cabinet to get down a bowl.

“Daryl’s got himself a farm.”

“Hold yer horses-”

“Well congratulations now Darry.” 

“That's not the case-”

“Then what's the hold up?” Wayne turned the letter over, trying to find what he missed.

“There's a stipulation.”

“Which is?”

“I have to be married first,” Both Katy and Wayne froze still; Katy with a milk jug in her hand, Wayne with the letter. Daryl frowned at his untouched yogurt cup. “Or in six months they sell it.”

Wayne’s eyes narrowed as he lifted the paper again, checking for signs of forgery or fraud. Darry’s aunt and his Uncle Eddie used the same lawyer. 

Katy’s shook her head, going back to pouring her milk, “You’re fucked Daryl.”

“Unless....” He lifted his chin, looking at Katy over the tip of his nose. A slow, yet hopeful smile crept across his lips. Wayne knew where he was headed and knew how it was going to go. He thought about intervening... But why stop the entertainment? 

“Unless you want your fucking ass kicked?” She slammed the milk on the counter before Wayne could say anything. She could take care of herself. 

“No…” Daryl’s voice was meek as he deflated, folding his arms and scooting down in his seat. 

“Not just by me,” she explained, dialing back a bit to give a softer tone, “But there’d be a line of fellas ready to talk to you,” She joined them at the table. 

Wayne leaned back in his chair. She had a point. 

“Well I guess I _am_ fucked then.” 

“Hold on a minute,” Wayne held a hand up, “There's gotta be other options in town.”

“Bonnie McMurray,” There was a sweet tone in Daryl's voice as he almost sung her name. 

Katy rolled her eyes, “Doubt it. You could ask, but you'd just be embarrassing yourself.”

“Tanis?” 

“She’s hot-”

“Ten four.”

“-but she’s kind of off limits,” Wayne shrugged a shoulder. She and Wayne had fooled around in the past and therefore she wasn’t on the list of people Dary could be involved with.

“Gail.”

“‘cept she'd insist on consummating the marriage.”

“Okay so that's all the girls.”

There was a silence as the situation started to sink in. Daryl was going to lose the farm. He would lose house and his job all in one sweep. 

Katy cleared her throat and drummed her fingers on the tabletop, “Have you ever thought about swimming on the other side of the lake?”

Daryl's eyebrows twitched down, “No…”

“Gay marriage is legal,” Katy tried to elaborate but both men gave her a blank stare, not getting it. She gave a nod in Wayne's direction. 

_Oh._

Suddenly Daryl was looking at him. 

Wayne abruptly straightened up in his chair and crossed his arms over his chest to show his opinion on the matter, but he could feel some heat crawling up his neck. Daryl was considering him. Something in that look made his chest tighten and his heart rate go up all in a moment. He kept his face neutral and matched eyes with Daryl who had a contemplative expression. 

“It wouldn't be real-” 

“I'm going to have to pass.”

“-just legally on paper.”

“Pass.”

“Wayne, you're my best bud. This is my only chance,” Daryl looked down at the table, hands laid flat, “I'll lose the farm. It's my home.”

Wayne let out a deep sigh and turned his head. 

“Wayne, I'd do it for you.”

He gave Daryl a quick look at the words. He’d do it for him? He’d marry him? Well of course, Daryl would get him out of a tight spot if it meant that Wayne’d lose his farm. He had no doubt Daryl would. He swallowed and turned away again. 

“No...” Wayne couldn't find it in him to be firm with the words. His best friend needed him, and he knew he was letting him down. His gut twisted. It felt wrong to betray him like this. 

Daryl's hands balled into fists and he stood up from the table, “Don't make me fuckin’ _beg!_ ”

Wayne heard wood scrape against the kitchen linoleum and the back door open and slam shut. He remained stiff. 

“You know it wouldn't be bad.” 

Wayne inhaled deeply at Katy’s input. 

“Seems like you even kinda liked the idea,” Katy said and Wayne shot her a frown. He wasn’t ready to untangle the ball of yarn from what he felt when Daryl gave him that first look. 

He let out a low dissatisfied growl, “Hush.”

There was the sound of an engine struggling to turn over outside. And then again. Again.

Katy took a bite of her cereal, listening to the engine fail to turn over once more. She chewed for a moment before adding, “When a man asks you for help, you help him.” 

Fuck. That always got to him. There wasn’t any arguing with it really, and Daryl damn near begged him for help. 

Wayne stood abruptly, taking Daryl’s untouched yogurt cup with him as he went outside. 

The wooden boards of the porch were soft from the rain from the night before, causing a little creak as he made his way down and over to where Daryl was parked. Ten minutes past sunrise. If it wasn’t for this fuss they’d be chorin in the cool morning air already. 

Daryl didn’t look up at him as he came closer, kicking the tire of his van and rounding the side to open the hood. He rolled up his sleeves and dove in, sticking his head into the front of his vehicle to avoid Wayne. 

“Daryl.”

“Wayne.”

Wayne lifted his chin, “I’ll do it.” 

“I can fuckin do it, I just need a wrench.”

“No Daryl,” Wayne bit his lip as Daryl came out from under the hood, “I’ll marry ya.”

Daryl’s annoyed expression melted into something soft. Something that made Wayne feel tangled up again. “You will?” He asked, taking a step closer. 

“I sure will,” Wayne held out the yogurt cup, “What kind of a best friend would I be if I let you down?”

Daryl took several strides and wrapped Wayne up in a hug. Wayne could feel Daryl heave a big sigh of relief into the embrace. Wayne gave him a one armed pat on the back. The hug lingered. He was warm. Wayne could smell banana boat and grease.

“Thank you so much. I owe you.”

“You owe me nothin’.”

Daryl gave him one last squeeze before pulling back, using the heel of his palm to wipe a cheek. It left a streak of black grease on his face. 

“We can figure out the details. Sit down and plan it out-”

“After we fix this piece of shit van of yours. I’ll get the wrench.”

Wayne offered the yogurt cup to halt the coming protests.

Daryl took it.


	2. A Little Honey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back with rules, sexual tension, and guys being dudes, dudes being guys. 
> 
> HUGE thanks to Raven2547 for beta reading. She makes everything golden.

“So, ironing out the rules.”

“Let’s iron them out then.”

Wayne and Daryl leaned over the workbench in the machine shed later that same day, a notebook between them. It was raining again, the light pitter-patter on the tin roof echoed in the open space and the fine mist filled up the open doorway.

“First of all,” Daryl started and crossed his arms, “people can't know we're faking it. If they find out and the lawyer hears of it, it's all over.”

“Ten four,” Wayne furrowed his brow a little and leaned over the still blank notebook between them, resting his elbows on the worn smooth tabletop.

“Second of all, we only have to do this until the inheritance goes through. I'm expecting it to go quick, but it could take six months,” Wayne remained silent, but Daryl continued determinedly, “Then we gotta do a year of living apart, then file for divorce and we're good.”

“Got it.”

“I know it seems like a long time-”

Wayne held up a hand, “Stop right there. There's no sense in dwelling upon it,” Daryl would do the same for him--had come out and said it, plain as day with that look like a beaten puppy on his face.

“Alright, so. What if a girl gets interested in one of us?”

“Not likely for you there, bud.”

“No, but really. If a girl wants to go on a date or something, it should be alright between us.” Daryl tried to explain, but Wayne met him with a stern frown and squinted eyes when he looked up from the book. 

“Wouldn’t that be bad for the marriage if people saw us with other girls?”

“If she was from a town over it wouldn’t matter though would it?” Darry said stubbornly and stuck out his chin like he was fixin’ for an argument. 

“So you’re telling me if a gal from ten miles away gets a whiff of one of us and wants to go on a date, that’d be fine?” Wayne raised his eyebrows and swiped at his nose as he thought it over. He put his hands on his hips and looked up at the damp rafters, absently noting some thick cobwebs up in the corner.

“Well I’d think so. I don’t want our love lives ruined entirely because of this,” Daryl waved his hands jerkily between them as if to prove his point. 

“I suppose that’d be fine by me.” Wayne wasn’t entirely sure if he was fine with it, but Daryl wrote it down anyway. It didn’t sit right with him somehow. 

Daryl cleared his throat, “Next up, we probably have to move in together.”

“My place obviously,” If Daryl thought they were going to be shacking up in that one bedroom itty-bitty shed that Daryl called a farmhouse Wayne was gonna have a talk with him, “You can have the guest room.”

“Fair,” Daryl wrote something down on the notebook. His chicken-scratch writing tilted almost horizontal, the cursive blending into printed letters in a messy scrawl Wayne knew almost as well as his own. 

“Well, we might have to do some hand holding,” Daryl hinted carefully.

Wayne cut his eyes up to Daryl’s stiff face, “I could figure it out.”

“Maybe a kiss on the cheek if people are looking.”

“I've kissed uglier on the cheek.”

Daryl gave a shrug and a nod, agreeing with him, “I think that's about it.”

Wayne picked up the pen and squinted over the list. “I'm gonna have to fucking rewrite this. Get better handwriting bud.” At least it was short. That was good. Easy to remember, easier still to amend.

“When do we go to the courthouse then?” Wayne asked. 

“Courthouse? We gotta sell this. There's going to be a wedding,” Daryl’s eyes glimmered with a little unholy glee.

“I'm not planning on investing in a damn wedding if it's for show-”

“Katy told me she'd do it all,” Daryl said smugly. His smile pursed in a self-satisfied cheshire grin.

Wayne couldn't argue with that then. He mulled it over, then began blinking rapidly. He looked to Daryl, “We're gonna have to kiss.” 

“Nuh uh. We don't have to.”

“Yes we do. At the wedding we do.”

“Oh yeah,” Daryl seemed unfazed, “Just a quick peck then.” He said it like it wasn’t all a big deal, and to him it probably wasn’t. 

Wayne’s grip on the pen grew tighter, “You’re not going to get nervous? In front of all those people?” He was getting nervous thinking about it. He’d be kissing Daryl. Without thinking, his eyes floated to Daryl’s lips for an instant. They didn’t look incredibly soft, a little chapped if anything. Wouldn’t be the worst to kiss though. Wayne looked back up, hopefully before he was caught. 

He watched Daryl swallow, “Yeah probably, but I’ll make it through.”

“Once I saw you go in for a kiss on a girl and you planted one on her nose. So help me god if you embarrass me in front of the town-”

“I won’t, I promise,” Daryl held up his hands and turned to the side, looking anywhere but at Wayne. His feet stirred up the sawdust and hay lingering on the floorboard and cast dust motes up into the air.

“Don't fuck it up,” Practicing could do a bit of good- No, nope. He cancelled that thought. Needed to process this better. Later. 

“Not going to.”

\---

Processing just didn’t happen. Several times Wayne found himself awake at night, laying in bed and staring at the ceiling. Any time his mind wandered to Daryl, he shut it down. He couldn’t think like that. Daryl was his best friend. He was marrying him to help him save his property, and then divorce and that was it. 

If Daryl knew that Wayne was developing something, even a twinge of something, he probably wouldn't have asked for his help. Wouldn’t be fair to put that on him. 

Each time he thought about it, he closed his eyes and tried to will whatever was going on with him to quit it. He needed to cut it out before it became a problem. Figure it out. 

Darry sure made it hard to figure out though. He kept saying things, things that always hit Wayne just a little wrong or just right. 

Wayne stepped outside on the back porch to have a smoke after dinner when he found Darry climbing up them. Wayne offered him a smoke. 

“How are ya now?” Wayne said around the dart in between his lips. He shoved his hand in his pocket searching for a lighter. 

Daryl took the cigarette, “Good ‘n you?”

“Not so bad, what brings you around?”

“Just thinking about you.”

Wayne’s lighter was frozen in place, poised to light his smoke when his heart jumped. He shot Daryl a glance and looked back to his lighter. Thinking about him? Another glance to Daryl, then back to the lighter. “What- What for?” He asked. He clicked his lighter a few times, but the flame sputtered and died. 

Daryl brought out his own lighter and lit Wayne's smoke and then his own. Daryl leaned back, his elbows on the railing. The paint on top was peeling and stuck to the sleeves of his jumpsuit in thin chips. “Well, you see, I was thinking that I’d probably take Squirrely Dan as a best man, and since he’d be taken you’d probably take McMurray,” He inhaled and let out a breath of smoke that looked gold in the porch light. “But you know what?”

“What?”

“To be totally completely honest here, I’d want you as my best man.” 

Wayne’s lips tightened in a smile and he ducked his head to hide it. Darry’s declaration didn’t come as a surprise to Wayne, but it felt good to hear. His honesty made affection swell in his chest. He turned to the railing next to Daryl, bending against it in a mirror to him. He put his own elbows up on the railing for support, hunching over and looking out over the lawn and laneway.

It took a moment for Wayne to respond. He and Daryl were close, their elbows almost touching. 

“Fuckin soft.”

“Shut up.” 

Daryl snorted a laugh. He sounded like he didn't care a bit. He turned his head and flashed Wayne a small smile and Wayne just shook his head. 

“You wanna know what though, same here super chief.”

“Knew it. You're ten ply too.”

There wasn't anything he could say to defend himself, so Wayne remained quiet, shrugging. He squinted down at the loose gravel at the foot of the stairs and the safety light at the edge of the property began to glow softly. 

Daryl reached into his pocket, “But the reason I came around wasn't just to tell you how soft I am, but it was to give you something.” He pulled out two shot glasses. “A best man's gift. A matching set.”

Daryl held them out and Wayne took both. He turned one over in his fingers, examining the glass. It was etched with an image of a German shepherd. This was personal, and thoughtful. 

“Thought you'd like ‘em,” Daryl continued. He sounded confident in that casual way he perfected when they were kids.

“I do.” Wayne said as held them up, “I'll be right back.” He headed inside for bit and returned with a bottle. 

Wayne set the glasses on the porch rail and filled both to near overflowing. He handed one to Daryl. They held them up and took a shot together, thumping the glass on the banister in time when finished. 

“Thank you Darry.”

\---

There was no mention of a bachelor party.

The wedding date was set to happen in a week. The sooner the better. Katy sent out the invites, Wayne and Daryl just had to make sure they were there. 

No mention of a bachelor party. 

So when Riley and Jonesy showed up at his front door Friday evening, Wayne had to wonder what the hell those two were up to. 

He opened the door to find the two of them standing there with matching smirks, a pair of two city snipes behind them. Their sunglasses sat on top of their heads and they wore complimenting colors in their striped tank tops, backwards hats underneath the glasses.

“What can I do for ya?” Wayne asked slowly, suspicion lacing his tone. Katy wasn’t home. Just him and Daryl drinking a few beers and watching a hockey game. 

“We heard you were getting hitched so-”

“Figured we’d bring a couple girls over and throw ya a bachelor party.” 

Wayne squinted at the two girls, both clad in short skirts and tube tops. They looked like normal, pretty girls, aside from the giveaway they were strippers from their clear high heeled shoes. They looked nice, he had to admit but-

“Now not to be rude, and it's not often I turn away hospitality, but I’m going to politely decline the offer-”

“Who’s here Wayne?” Daryl looked over his shoulder, eyes immediately locking onto the pair of girls. Wayne noticed how Daryl lingered on them. “Well how are ‘ya now?”

“Ah here’s the husband-to-be.” Jonesy raised his chin in greeting, “Congrats.”

“Yeah congrats,” Riley added on and raised his eyebrows suggestively. 

One of the strippers cocked her head. “Wait a second, they’re getting married to each other?” She put a hand on her hip, “Why are we here then?”

“Yeah…” Jonesy and Riley looked at each other and Wayne watched the gears in their heads turn along. “Ah shit, wait a minute-”

“Should we have brought dudes instead?”

“Goodnight fellas.” Wayne shut his door, leaving the four of them on the front porch. Daryl’s face was frozen in a shocked ‘O’, his eyelashes blinked closed a few times as he sputtered protests to Wayne’s stoic face while the blonde crossed his arms and shook his head disappointed like. 

“You are spare parts, bud.”


End file.
